Edited to add: Please don’t forget to visit Shannon at Rocks in my Dryer for more Works-For-Me-Wednesday ideas.
Hello, blog friends! I’m only popping in just now to ask a favor of all of you, but I hope to return to the blogworld after things around here calm down. Daughter #1 is getting married, daughter #2 is here for the summer, and I’m up to my eyeballs in real life. I’ll catch you up on the details later.
Right now, as a bridal shower gift for daughter #1, I’m putting together a book for the bride and groom entitled “Advice for Newlyweds from People Who Aren’t Your Parents.”
I’m asking friends (including you, my blog friends) and family to share some helpful advice for either the bride or the groom or for the couple – whether it be your own wisdom or something someone shared with you that has proven to be invaluable. You will be given credit for anything you share, so if it isn’t your own, please cite your source. It can be a quote, scripture, serious, humorous, things to avoid (like putting toilet tissue upside down on the holder), things you must do (like save money), a sentence, or a paragraph – anything you feel is worthy of passing along to a young married couple. I’d like to have a balanced perspective, so it would be wonderful if both spouses gave their input.
If you feel comfortable doing so, please use your real name and location (first name only and state only are fine.)
Thanks for your participation!
Let's Get Biblical 
Hello Brenda. I was was going thorugh my archives and saw where you had commented on my early posts. i wanted to come visit you and i love your blog. As for the advice well i don’t feel I have been married long enought to give out advice. Sorry. I will definately be back to your blog though. I enjoyed it. Hope all is going well and Happy 4th of July!
Here’s my Buck One-Fifty’s worth:
It’s always the small things 🙂
My best advice:
Never go to bed angry even if it means hashing it out all night long until it is resolved. Also, I’ll believe only half of what my family says about you if you believe only half of what your family says about me. In laws can be the undoing of many marriages.
Jan
Something I’ve found to be invaluable is to treat your spouse, not like a spouse, but as your best friend.
Let’s face it; we can be out right cruel to our spouses sometimes…..we say things to them that we’d never say to our best friend….we wouldn’t want to hurt our best friend’s feelings!
Another suggestion…..watch the Dave Ramsey Show on Fox Business.
My mom told me this before I got married. I have been married for 12 years and I always try to follow her advice. Never go to bed angry and always kiss each other goodnite.
My mom’s advice to me was she didn’t want to know about the fights, tiffs, arguments, etc that my husband and I had (this doesn’t apply to abuse). She said that I would likely forgive him quickly, but it would take her much longer to forgive.
The second bit of advice is “like unto it.” Keep your marriage stuff private, period. No talking about your marriage to anyone else but your spouse. Your girlfriends don’t need to know that he likes to leave all the cupboards open and never shut them. That’s a small thing, but big things apply too. Your spouse (and you) will know that what goes on in your marriage stays in your marriage, and it will build trust.
Only say good things to others about your spouse. It goes a long way and makes a marriage last.
Coming up on 2 years so not an expert, but…
Don’t be overly sensitive. A.K.A. assume that your spouse loves you and thinks highly of you and your well-being, so don’t allow your feelings to get hurt too quickly. Don’t be easily offended. It’s not worth the time, nor emotional energy. (Both my husband and I can tend toward the sensitive side and consciously have to work on it.)
Second piece of marital advice: Budget for some personal “no questions asked” money for each of you per month. Spend as you wish or save as you wish. It’s all yours. (We LOVE our budget.)
Excellent advice! I really like the “no questions asked” allowance. Great idea!
Buy or sew a couple pairs of shoe covers and have them handy. My husband likes to wear his shoes in the house and I a “no shoes indoors” policy to help keep the house clean. With a little extra fabirc and some elastic and an afternoon at the sewing machine I managed to save a marriage.
The moral of my story, there is always a compromise if you look for it.
Well, there you are! I came over here to find you email – I’d planned to email you and ask you what was going on in your life these days. I’d say you answered that question. Congratulations on this happy news, Brenda.
There’s some outstanding advice in these comments. I have two contributions.
Before you even get married, set up a budget. Money problems are the undoing of so many marriages and it’s very easy for newlyweds to get off on the wrong foot and find themselves head over heels in debt. Mandy and Aaron attended Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace class before their wedding and I’m shocked at how well those two are managing their finances after only one year of marriage.
My second piece of advice is this. No matter how busy or crazy life gets, always set aside date nights. Continue to date each other and make special time for each other, forever, and especially after the children start arriving. It’s very easy to not make time for this or feel like you can afford a night out, but to me, it saves marriages if we never forget why we fell in love in the first place.
And you can’t imagine how I’d love to get a catch-up email from you. You’ve been on my mind a lot lately.
xoxo
Congratulations on the wedding!
There is some great advice here; everything I thought of is already on the list!
How are you?
Hi Brenda! I still can’t believe you teased your daughter’s wedding and then NEVER WROTE ANYTHING MORE ABOUT IT! Ugh. You’re killing me.
Leave it to the guy to mention the wedding night…I can see all the eyes rolling now…
A couple of helpful hints to remember:
1. Don’t panic if the sex isn’t fantastic right away. It’ll get better. Just keep telling yourself that…
and,
2. Remember that until it does get better, enthusiasm and good humor cover a multitude of sins, as well as a lot of inexperience.
Also, since my last comment seems to have shocked the community into silence, I’ll add this FOR THE GROOM:
Your wife is a gift from God. Never forget that. Specifically, God will use your wife to keep you from mucking up your life too severely; but, the key is that you must listen to her advice. I know it sounds like nagging. I know it sounds like she thinks you’re an idiot. But the sooner you come to the realization that she really isn’t nagging (at least not all the time) and that you really are an idiot (at least some of the time) the sooner your life will feature less pain. I say this as one who has the scars that come from learning these things on his own, without the benefit of a nice, stranger-guy to tell him; and I would spare you that agony.
So – has the wedding happened yet?? I saw you at Barb’s place today and wanted to say Hi – but can’t find your e-address. I was going through pictures this week and enjoyed seeing the ones of you and me at the botanical garden – such a nice memory!